Tony Stark's Tower of Terror
by Alitote
Summary: Halloween is one of the best times of the year to get mixed up in something supernatural... or do something that'll scare the crap out of all you'r friends and piss Fury the hell off... Either way, BEST HOLIDAY EVAH!


Personally, Tony couldn't see anything wrong with this.

Really, he couldn't.

He was currently standing infront of a Haunted House, Loki to one side of him, Banner on the other. Steve was behind him, running to catch up and shouting things Tony chose to ignore.

"Loki's gonna think it's real and Banner's gonna Hulk out!"

"What was that?" Tony called back, pushing the two other men closer to the attraction as fast as he could.

"Loki will turn someone into a goat!"

"Steve! I _can't_ hear you!"

Currently, it was October 29th, Thor was off doing... something, Hawkeye and Widow were off doing... something, and since Pepper was on a buisness trip Tony couldn't do... something. This left only one option to the rich man-child: Explicity ignore any and all warnings and do whatever the hell he wanted. And since Halloween was in two days, he figured Loki and Banner in a haunted house was the perfect request for attention.

Only he hadn't counted on only attaining Steve's attention, and that was just plain no fun.

"Tony!" Steve yelled as the three got in the line. Steve shoved his way through the line to catch up with them and people closed in behind him. Blocking his escape.

"Oh look, you're in line too." Tony said with an air of calm while the corners of his mouth twitched, "That means you're my accomplice."

"No it doesn't." Steve growled.

"Yes it does. You and me are partners in a glorious and life changing adventure that will test our wills and our emotions."

Steve was silent, "You're making it sound like we're married."

"You said it not me." Tony said turning back around.

"Tony, do you realise how _dangerous_, not to mention _bone-head stupid_, this is?" Steve asked, "You've brought two of the _last_ people who should ever be in a Haunted House to a _Haunted House_."

"Oh you know, they're good for character and... stuff." Tony shrugged casually. Bruce rolled his eyes and slipped white ear buds into his ears, deciding to return to the idiot-fest when Steve threw the first punch.

"Tony! I'm serious, get them-"

"Honestly Captain, I think I can handle a kiddie house of horrors. I've seen and done much worse in my lifetime than anything you'r silly Midgard movies depict." Loki said haughtily , turning to glare at Steve. It was true, despite forgetting to turn the tap off in the bathroom and kitchen and the rule of no transfigurations in the kitchen or living room, Loki was much more adept at handling Midgard customs than his brother.

"It's better not to risk it Loki!" Steve cried in frustration. Loki rolled his eyes and whipped his scarf off his neck as Steve continued to rant. Seeing the look in the trickster's eye Bruce removed the earbuds and paused his music.

"The repurcussions of one of you guys freaking out and doing something on pure instinct are far worse than if we just- Loki what are you doing?" Loki had calmly thrown his scarf over Steve's head as he was shouting and pulled the soldier in close, so close Steve could see little more than Loki's dazzling green eyes. He wore a steamy-eyed expression, a sexy smile played at the corner of his lips.

"I'll be allright Steve." Loki whispered, the smile turning to a heart-wrenching pleading expression, "You shouldn't worry about me so much. It could lead to... _assumptions_."

"W-what?!" Steve looked horrified.

"It's okay Steve, I understand. And I'll be okay." Loki continued to whisper, pulling Steve's head closer and closer.

"S-stop it!" Steve cried.

"The heart wants what the heart wants. And sources say your heart wants this." Loki said, eyes sparkling, "Who can deny their inner most feelings Steve? It really isn't healthy." Steve swallowed nervously.

Behind them Banner and Stark tried their best not to laugh.

"No. I. Don't." Steve said evenly, trying not to rip the scarf off his neck and push the god away.

Loki stepped back, looking confused.

"Really? But Tony said that your needs stem from your natural desire for attention and how you were deprived of it for seventy years in the ice." The whole sentence was said so innocently Steve had to resist ruffling Loki's head like he was a small child.

Instead he stared at Tony, murder written in his twitching eyes.

"I. Will. _Kill _you Stark." Steve said through gritted teeth.

"Loki! Sic him!" Tony commanded.

Loki instead pimp-slapped Tony and whipped his scarf off Steve's neck. He strode up next to Bruce and only turned back after a moment to snap, "I still want my fifty dollars."

Tony rubbed his jaw tenderly, "I'm shaving off ten for damages." Loki raised his hand again and tony backed up, hands held up defensively.

"Besides, there was no kiss!"

Both Steve and Loki slapped him for that.

"You might want to quit while you're ahead." Banner advised. Tony only rubbed both sides of his jaw and grumbled something unintelligible.

They were silent the rest of the wait until they reached the ticket seller. An older, pinched-face woman dressed as a dead gypsy, the tickets floating around in her "crystal ball".

"How many?" She asked, regarding them with dull eyes.

Tony snaked his arms around Loki and Banner's necks and hugged them close, "Us three." He sounded rather hurried.

"He means four ma'am." Steve called from behind Tony.

"Nope! No I don't. I mean three as in we three standing before you at this moment." Tony hugged Banner and Loki a little closer. Loki adjusted his head, Tony's scruff scratching his skin.

"It's four!" Steve declared again.

"Madam, please don't let the man behind us in. He's been following us for the last while and plans to do unspeakable horrors to our persons once we are inside." Tony said nicely. Loki growled as Tony's goatee scratched his cheek again.

"Ma'am, I am this man's court ordered chaperone as he has proven he doesn't have the tools to operate in a society as advanced as the current one we stand in today." Tony flushed red at the word "Chaperone" and Loki sniggered. It was all the proof the woman needed to hand Loki the four tickets, who then passed them to Steve with difficulty as Tony was cutting off his air ways. As they departed the woman gave them all a withering look.

"The eager yound minds of tommorow? Ha!" She grumbled.

As they continued through the line, Loki eventually bit into Tony's arm so he'd let go. Banner tried his hardest to hide his smile as Tony rubbed his arm and muttered facts about rabies.

"Okay _Chaperone_, are you ready?" Tony asked condescendingly when they neared the ticket taker. Steve took one look at him and slapped him across the face again.

"Oww!"

"Baby." Loki sniggered, sliding past the whimpering Tony.

The four approached the ticket taker, a woman dressed as a dead flapper with her throat slashed. She took their tickets, ripped the stubs off and threw the tickets in a small bucket near the feet of the stool she sat on. She handed the ripped tickets back to Loki, and her fingers lingered a little longer than necassary over his.

Loki blushed a furious scarlet as she winked at him.

"Awkward!" Tony shouted before pushing Loki as hard as he could through the door. The other two followed, Steve muttering under his breath. The entrance wasn't too bad, nothing jumped at them or squealed. But Loki noticed how Tony had a tight grip on his shoulders all the same. It didn't change when they finally entered the establishment.

They passed through a dark door and Tony felt Loki's shoulders tense as something snapped in the dark distance.

"It's not real." Tony whispered softly.

"I know that!" Loki said tensly, but there was something much more vulnerable beneath the bravely beligerent tone.

A large man, chunks of brain hanging from above his ear and walking with a limp, appeared near the only light source in the room: a strobe light next to the door.

"Brains!" the Zombie cried. Tony plowed his shield-Loki-through it and the group went on. Steve saying hi to the startled zombie as he passed.

The next room had been transformed into a foggy graveyard, lights in the corners serving as the only illumination.

Not understanding the arts of set design, Loki looked around curiously, "How did we get outside?"

"Hushie!" Tony said, pushing Loki in to the room.

"And why am I at the front of the-AAHH!" A woman in a dirty wedding dress holding a butcher knige had run at Loki from behind a headstone, making the Asgardian tear ahead.

"NOT AGAIN!" He screamed from up ahead over and over.

"Tony!" Steve cried angrily.

"Lalala! Can't hear you!"

The rest of the group hurried to catch up, hearing terrified shrieks every now and again while more monsters popped out at them. Steve found himself trying not to tread on anything on the ground, real or not.

They found Loki moments later, hiding by the door to the next room behind a head stone.

"Kiddie house of horrors huh?" Tony teased, clapping Loki on the back from behind. Loki shrieked and fell back on the ground.

Banner was laughing very hard, "Aww man, I think this is the best idea you _ever_ had!" Steve rolled his eyes and helped Loki to his feet.

"Can you make it the rest of the way?" He asked seriously.

"O-of course!" Loki cried indignantly, looking insulted, "I-I've handled worse."

The next few rooms contained different "horrors". Mummies, Vampires, and Hack-Saw murders inhabiting quite a few of them. When they entered the torture chambers Steve turned a little green. He turned to see Banner absorbed by the fake trappings. Steve actually had to pull the poor guy away from a rack of strange looking beakers.

"Those were so cool." Banner breathed as he rejoined them.

"Yo! Doctor Jekyll and Mr. Hide, Miss America, let's go!" Tony demanded as he and Loki began to get ahead again. He now had one arm wrapped around Loki's, dragging him along. Loki didn't seem to notice however, instead he was absorbed by the torture chamber and it's machines, completely at ease around them... troubling...

"How long have we been _in_ here?" Steve asked as they came to the mouth of a dark hallway.

Tony leaned against the doorframe, "I dunno but I feel I've grown closer to you all."

"I can't tell if that's sexual innuendo for something or if he's just being condescending." Loki said, pulling his arm from Tony's and pushing him through the door into the dark hall.

"Chaperone!" Tony whined, "Loki pushed me!"

"Quiet Optimus Prime!" Bruce said when Steve couldn't think of anything clever to respond with.

"Whatever Green Bean." Tony grumbled.

"I swear, one more nickname and I turn you all into goats!" Loki shouted.

A door opened behind them and the vampire that was supposed to pop out was giving them an odd look.

Loki blushed and turned to go, coming face to face with a full-sized zombie.

"Goats?" he asked stupidly.

"BEGONE FOUL DEMON!" Loki screamed, blasting the zombie backwards.

"Loki!" Bruce cried and Steve grabbed him by the shoulders. The Zombie was still out, but he groaned and after a minute he began trying to get up.

"Go. Gogogogogogo!" Steve panicked, pushing the group through the hall.

Loki looked at the new room, confused. The room was punctured by tons of holes in the walls and what was left of those walls were covered in broken mirrors and splattered blood.

"So mortals are afraid of... holes?" Tony sniggered behind the god and was thrown a poisonous look.

As they walked through the room nothing happened, and just as Loki was preparing to scream a new term he'd learned ("Ripoff!") A mirror behind him slid open and a gray hand reached out and snatched Tony.

"Woah!"

"Tony!"

The mirror slid back into place and was swiftly attacked brutally by Loki and Steve. Banner wanted to help, but was afraid his "help" wouldn't stop smashing afterwards.

"This mirror is... magic resistant?" Loki said, confused.

Suddenelly, the doorway they'd entered to get to this strange room was filled by a man covered in blood spattered dark clothing and letting loose the awesome power of his chain saw.

"Bruce!" Steve freaked, "Loki! Run!"

"What else would I be doing?" Loki screamed nastily.

"Do you want me to trip you? _Do you seriously want me to trip you?!_" Steve screamed at him.

"I'm about to trip both of you!" Bruce screamed and behind them the pursuing chainsaw begged Bruce to as the teeth ran a mile a minute.

It chased them through the next few rooms before they got tired and ducked behind a dead end corner to hide.

"How long is this thing?" Loki panted.

"We have got to be near the end." Steve said, not having even broken a sweat.

"Then we run like hell till we get out and then we come back with Barton and Natasha and find a way to save Tony." Bruce panted.

"Good plan Green Jeans, anything to add Ram Horns?"

"Expect to be a goat by tommorow morning.."

"Helpfull." Steve said sarcastically before rising.

The chainsaw sound rounded a nearby corner and all three were gone. They tore down rooms and hallways, twisted, curving corners and broke necks at hairpin speeds.

"Where's the end?! WHERE'S THE ODIN'S TROUSERS END?!" Loki screamed.

They tumbled out of the exit door, landing on top of one another.

"There it is!" Bruce smiled, pointing at the exit door from his place ontop of the body pile.

The door burst open again and Chainsaw Man waved the weapon on their faces ina happy dancing manor.

"This... is so weird." Steve muttered.

"I definently didn't want to die with this strange man waving a chainsaw and his covered abs in front of me." Bruce said.

"Yeah we know what you wanted waving in you." Loki giggled, and then cried out in pain as Steve and Bruce slapped him in the back of the head.

"Great I get to die listening to the God of Mischief and Lies making erotic jokes." Steve mumbled.

"Not a bad way to go!" The Chainsaw Man said, having finished dancing, then coughed and his voice instantly lowered to a terrifying bass, "And now freeloaders, prepare to meet your punishment of hogging the food, phone, internet, and TV!"

"Wait... what?" Bruce had the sense to ask.

Loki decided now was the time to coin _another_ phrase he'd recently learned on Midgard: "Mind Rape!"

Chainsaw Guy brought the screaming machine of death closer and closer to their sweating faces.

"Guys, since I don't think we'll make it past the next twelve seconds, I just wanted you two to know that you're awesome in you'r own quirky and seriously damaged ways."

"Steve I broke you'r I-pod." Bruce admitted.

"Bruce, you just forget everything I just said." Steve sighed as the chainsaw neared his face.

Suddenelly there was laughing...

... Coming from Chainsaw Man.

"That was priceless!" The strange man laughed, lowering the chainsaw and turning it off.

The other three stared in shock, and then anger, as Tony removed his mask and shutt off the chainsaw.

"TONY!"

"Aww Steve look, you're blushing!"

Steve grabbed Tony ruffly by the shoulder and pushed him against the wall.

"I'm red in the face with _anger!"_ Steve hissed, "We thought you were really in trouble when you got pulled through that mirror and we couldn't get through!"

"I paid some guys to help me mess with you guys, and I couldn't let you go destroying the place could I?" Tony grinned.

"I. Will. Kill. You. STARK!" Steve raged before Loki clamped a hand on his shoulder and gently pushed him away from the billionaire playboy.

"I know the perfect way to exact our justly deserved revenge."

* * *

Steve placed his fingers on the Avengers Tower lock on the elevator, which turned green and started speeding the elelvator towards the penthouse at the top of the tower. The elevator dinged and the door opened with a _whoosh_! Stark Tower was dark, except for the top five or so floors which mdae up the Avengers headquarters. Presently, there was alot of commotion coming from the communal kitchen.

"So Loki," Steve whispered as they entered the living room, "What's this revenge plan you spoke of?" Currently, Tony traveled behind them, unscathed and a little worried.

"Simple," Loki smiled wickedly at Tony. Quickly he pinched his cheeks until they turned from snow pale to bright red and then conjured a small bottle of eye drops. He dripped a few into his eyes and then on his face. The whole effect made him look like he'd been bawling his eyes out.

"Thor!" Loki wailed, running to the kitchen.

"Really?" Tony sighed.

"Thor!" Loki cried again, entering the kitchen. Thor turned to reveal he was carrying a massive load of boxes of poptarts in his arms and only wearing boxers and socks. When he saw his baby brother sorrowful, he dropped the poptarts and ran to him.

"What is it brother?" He asked, grasping the man by the shoulders. Loki sniffled and struggled for breath.

"I-It was horrible." Loki cried, "T-Tony. He... he surprised Banner and I. He... whispered instuctions to me to do stuff... and he... he... he wouldn't let go! And then he took us to a place of horrors and forced us to participate. Steve tried to stop him but... oh Brother it was horrible!"

Thor, having just gotten back from doing... something, with Jane, let his mind wander to the Land of Wrong. So it's rather understandable when the God of Thunder flew into a rage and summoned his hammer.

"STARK!" He screamed, flying past his brother towards the playboy philanthropist, slamming the hammer into Tony and proceeding to pummel him mercilessly.

"How... Dare... You... Defile... My... Brother! You disgusting... hairy... snake... with a torch in... it's chest!" Thor cried. Behind him, the other three gathered behind them to watch.

Loki rubbed the last of his "tears" away and breathed in and out until normal color returned to his cheeks.

"Is he... actually trying to kill him?" Steve asked.

"Shhh." Loki hushed, conjuring a box of popcorn to eat. Banner grabbed a handul and shoved it into his mouth.

"But... but he'll kill him." Steve said.

"Give him a few moments." Loki said, busy watching the show.

"No! Thor! Don't! Don't! Didn't... rape... ow!... Loki!" Tony cried between blows from Thor's hammer.

"Monster!" Thor cried.

"Took... them... to... Haun-ow!"

"You raped my brother at a hothel?!"

"No! _Haunted. House!_"

"YOU RAPED MY BROTHER AT A HAUNTED HOUSE?!" Thor began to hit the playboy harder.

"No! I didn't rape him!" Tony cried, "Steve! Help me!"

"Oh but Tony, you were so _evil_." Steve sneered. Loki offered him the box of popcorn.

"STEVE!"

"Okay fine. Thor! He didn't rape Loki. Just scared him out of his mind."

"Fun sucker." Loki whispered disgruntled.

"How?" Thor asked, finally letting up on Tony.

"He took him... to a Haunted House." Steve said.

"Haunted House? I believe Jane took me to one of those once. Brother," Thor placed a hand on Loki's shoulder, "WE MUST GO!"

"Well that backfired." Banner commented as Loki was dragged out the door.

* * *

The ticket seller was a little surprised to see them but the ticket taker was overjoyed to see Loki again. Although the meeting was more awkward due to Thor being there.

"If you get to scared," She whispred sexily, "You can always come sit with me."

"Umm sure thing?" Loki blushed, hurrying to get away before Thor caught on to the advances the woman was makin towards Loki.

"Aww little brother, you made a friend."

"No I didn't Thor, get walking." Loki hissed as they entered.

The House was less scart for the group, considering four of them had already passed through and Thor was... Thor.

"Brother, do you remember when we were small and braved the Haunted Caves?"

"Uhh... No?"

"Oh that's right, you were so traumatized you blocked it from you'r memories."

"It was that scary?" Steve asked.

"Well, for a four year old I guess." Thor shrugged.

"He was four?!" Tony exclaimed.

"No, I was four, he was three."

The others, even Loki, stared in disbelief at the thunderer.

"Is there no limit to you'r stupidity?" Loki asked.

"There's a limit?" Thor sounded so genuinly surprised, Loki couldn't help but slap him on the back of the head.

By now the group had entered the graveyard, the Zombie Bride jumping out at them with her knife.

"Oh look Brother! Doesn't that remind you of-"

"Ow!" Loki had attempted to elbow Thor in the abs... It was obvious why there needs to be no explanation here so the author will move the story along.

"Where's that Banshee from earlier?" Bruce asked.

Loki, blushing, said, "That... wasn't... a Banshee." The others silently stared at the blushing god.

"I thought confiscating you'r bear would make you manlier." Thor noted, "Maybe I have failed."

"Shutup Thor!"

"Hey look! That one looks like a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent!" Tony said, pointing at a Haunted House employee dressed in a black jumpsuit carrying a large gun.

"Tony, I think that _is_ a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent!" Steve cried.

"Run!" Banner screamed and everyone proceeded to do just that.

"Come back here!" The agent cried, firing a couple shots.

* * *

"What in the Holly Hell were you idjits thinking?" Fury raged, making them stand in a line at attention... or sort of attention. Only Steve bothered. The rest just stood there, nursing their laser blast wounds.

"Did you _have_ to use the stun setting?" Tony whined.

"When you run away yes."

"What if we were running merely _towards you_." Tiny asked innocently.

"Tony, you were running _away_ from the agent."

"But _towards_ the doors you dragged us out of."

"_Tony_." Fury groaned. Tony looked proud at causing the S.H.E.I.L.D. director grief.

"So, technically, you are in the wrong." Tony continued.

"Tony!" Steve whispered, "Shut up!"

"Well," Fury continued, "Who's idea was this?"

"Steve!"

"Steve!"

"Chaperone!"

"Goat!"

"Ton-wait what?!"

"Tried to tell you Cap, taking these _three_ is a mistake. I mean, Loki could turn someone into a goat if we're not careful."

"I. Will. Kill. You. STARK!" Stve threatened as Fury clamped a hand on his shoulder and steered the Captain towards the Hellicarrier.

"I think you need some more training Captain. Maybe an endurance program? Special setting of course."

As the Hellicarrier took off, the remianing four looked at eachother, Tony trying hard not to laugh.

"Okay Stark," Thor grinned, holding out his hand, "Pay."

Tony patted his pockets, "Crap, left it at the Tower. Ah! I happen to have a hundred and fifty in my pocket. Sorry Loki, I'll pay you later."

"That's okay Anthony," Loki smiled mischieviously, "I got his wallet." And from behind Loki's back was produced Steve's wallet.

"Aaah! I knew there was a reason I started liking you!" Tony laughed with Bruce and Thor. Thor clapped a hand on his brother's shoulder and waved a triumphant fist in the air.

"And what brother," Thor asked as they walked to the car, "Will you do with you'r bounty?"

Loki thought long and hard about the answer.

"Scarf shopping."

* * *

**Happy Halloween... Mortals... O,,O**


End file.
